New Client and Glitter

[GodFather]

New client...single, middle aged came over.  We sat down to discuss her return which only had alimony, social security, some interest.  She would not let me review her 2022 return until she summarized every line.  At one point during the conversation, she let out a high pitched scream, grabbed all of her paperwork and moved to the end of the table we were sitting at.  Startled, I asked what the problem was.  She asked if I sent out Christmas cards with glitter???  Apparently, she saw some glitter on the table "and she could not bring that back into her house".  She asked me to clean it.  I asked her to leave.  

[TaxGuyBill]

🤣

[Just-Lisa-Now-]

[IRonMaN]

Will you be changing your stage name here to Godfather Glitter?

I have to admit that I have met my share of oddballs over the years but your new former client wins the prize.

[dascpa]

I've seen two terms.

A fear of glitter is called Sparkalaphobia. 

A phobia of glitter, known as scopophobia.

[IRonMaN]

A tax preparer phobia of people with scopophobia is known as getoutofmyofficenowphobia

[dkh]

@GodFather    thank you for the laugh.   It was therapeutic. 

Made me appreciate my weird clients a little more.   

[dascpa]

Over the years I'm amazed at how many people have cried in my office.  Not due to taxes.  Could be divorce, break-ups, family or spouse passing away, or I'm 40 and still single.  I'm changing my business card to CPA, LCSW, Therapist.

[Just-Lisa-Now-]

With the title of the post, I was kinda expecting an exotic dancer story  LOL

[IRonMaN]

"I'm changing my business card to CPA, LCSW, Therapist"

You definitely are qualified based on your knowledge of phobias.  But I think all of us pretty much do that when we are dealing with clients (except Jim of course - no time for that).  I have seen my share of tears over the years too.  Clients get to know us and trust us, and they feel comfortable opening up to us.

My old boss used to bring up the story of how he killed a client.  Well, he aided in it anyway.  One time they found one of his clients dead, sitting at his kitchen table with all of his tax stuff spread out on the table.  Luckily for my boss, they just gave him probation for being an accessory in the crime.

[PATAX]

@GodFather Please tell us you're joking. If not, Lord have mercy.😀

[GodFather]

@PATAX  I wish I were.  🙄

[BobKamman]

Allen Funt died 25 years ago but his legacy lives on, and I expect to see you soon on TikTok.

[Just-Lisa-Now-]

so are you going to send her an anonymous glitter filled Christmas card next year?  😀

[Jim-from-Ohio]

@IRonMaN ok. so today a client came in. new client.. said how she found me on a local facebook medina community page and all this.. she was rather witty and bright so I did banter with her, (for about three minutes)  I could tell i was ahead of schdule so those three minutes were not lost, just like this one minute it took to type this.. 

[IRonMaN]

@Jim-from-Ohio - 3 minutes?  You are turning into an old softy.  Hopefully she doesn't tell the rest of your clients about this crack in your facade. 😜

[PATAX]

@Jim-from-Ohio Come on Jim. How much "bantering" can one do in three minutes?😁

[Jim-from-Ohio]

she was pretty also.. i could take the three minutes, plus i know how those facebook pages work.. they love to recommend and chat up folks.. so far 16 returns today.. ahead of schedule for my miniumum of 20 a day. 

[dascpa]

20 per day?  i assume all easy returns.  Today mine have multi-state rentals, foreign income, FBAR's, and more.  I'm thrilled with 5-8 on a good day.

[Jim-from-Ohio]

that's my goal.. 20 a day. some have rentals, some have schedule Cs. so get this.. it is now 2:30 pm and this guy called two weeks ago.. said he has six years to file. six! i rememberd what you guys told me to get payment in advance. i have not met this guy yet but he is set to come in at 3 pm today with funds to pay. .we'll see if he shows up. i have time to type this as my 2:15 appt took me literally five or six minutes to do.. two w-2s, that's it.. a beautiful thing. 

[PATAX]

@Jim-from-Ohio Jim I don't know how you are doing these appointments and tax returns so quickly. Long time client just left and appointment took a half hour. All he did was drop the paperwork off, and he forgot a form for his wife so he'll be coming back again. And I haven't even started the tax return. I think you should start webinars or seminars and teach CPAs how to finish these tax returns and tax appointments so quickly. You'll then become a millionaire and you can stop doing tax returns . I expect the 10% commission for giving you this idea.😉

[Just-Lisa-Now-]

---

@Jim-from-Ohio wrote:

that's my goal.. 20 a day. some have rentals, some have schedule Cs. so get this.. it is now 2:30 pm and this guy called two weeks ago.. said he has six years to file. six! i rememberd what you guys told me to get payment in advance. i have not met this guy yet but he is set to come in at 3 pm today with funds to pay. .we'll see if he shows up. i have time to type this as my 2:15 appt took me literally five or six minutes to do.. two w-2s, that's it.. a beautiful thing. 

---

Jim and I are cranking them out  LOL  I dont do 20 a day, but 10-15 is pretty common, many returning clients are only here for 10 minutes.

[IRonMaN]

When I start to feel the need to get a stop watch out in order to see how fast I can get a return done, then it's time for me to retire.  My intent is to take as much time as I need to make sure that the return is done right and the client is reasonably happy (sometimes those large balance dues happen).  Preparing amended returns is something I rarely do (other than to fix what another preparer screwed up) and I would kinda like to keep it that way.  

[Jim-from-Ohio]

What do you know. the 3 pm, six years back guy showed up afterall. before we dug into it i asked him if was able to get the funds to pay.. said he had a credit card.. did six years returns.. he is happy and makes two of us. one hour, 35 minutes.. took me longer because three of the six years had to be paper filed and that takes more time!

[PATAX]

@Jim-from-Ohio @IRonMaN @GodFather @Just-Lisa-Now- @sjrcpa @dkh @BobKamman. Client sent me a text message this morning and was very surprised that he received his direct deposit refund today, he said it was lightning quick. I checked and I electronically filed that return on Sunday! That really is quick, less than one week.  Jim, are you now working for the IRS and processing direct deposit?😉

[Frustrated-in-IL]

Hey IRonMan,

We need to keep Jim and Lisa apart!  Let's consider it a public service for our fellow preparers.  Do you realize if they had like four children, the six of them could do the tax returns for the entire population of the United States by April 10th, having 5 days to spare?  They would put us all out of business.  I wouldn't mind being out of business, but I do need a source of income to afford the large quantities of Fireball I consume. 

[IRonMaN]

I've learned one important lesson here in the last couple of years.  All decisions come down to something to do with Fireball.

[Just-Lisa-Now-]

[ljr]

as a joke when that starts I tell them my fee just went up as I'm now charging as a therapist instead of a tax preparer. that usually get is it to stop. LOL. 

[Jim-from-Ohio]

IRS computers must be taking the day off today, Sunday.. none of my returns today have been accepted yet.

[PATAX]

@Jim-from-Ohio Could be maintenance. President's day is tomorrow. Their computer system was working last Sunday

[IRonMaN]

The IRS just pulled the plug because the computers were overheating from all of the returns hitting them from Medina OH.

[Jim-from-Ohio]

speaking of Medina, Ohio.. Medina is built around an all american public square.. the annual ice festival is going on this weekend. the best time to view an ice festival is about 6:30 am, while it is still dark and hardly anyone around

[abctax55]

Beautiful !  Thanks for sharing

[Jim-from-Ohio]

IRS acceptances have started again.. I called them and asked them if they were working today. 

[Frustrated-in-IL]

They diverted all personnel from tax processing to writing a Revenue Ruling regarding Lisa and yourself cornering the market on tax prep services.

[PATAX]

@Jim-from-Ohio wow how did you get through to the IRS on a Sunday? You must have a direct top secret phone line to them, sort of like the commissioner did with Batman?😉

[George4Tacks]

I enjoyed your story and remember it today when I saw this. Maybe you could share it with the client  you fired.

[BobKamman]

How much time would  a man from Medina need to do 125,000 returns, if a man from Medina was taking new clients?

WASHINGTON, Feb 29 (Reuters) - The Internal Revenue Service said on Thursday it will crack down on high-income earners who have failed to file tax returns in 125,000 cases since 2017, resurrecting a non-filer enforcement program that was idled for years by past budget cuts.

[IRonMaN]

They are out there.  I had a client that hadn't filed for 5 years and the IRS recently came knocking on his door followed by a knock on my door.  After doing this job for almost 45 years, it was my first encounter with an IRS special agent.  Guys carrying badges tend to get your attention.

[Frustrated-in-IL]

Who knocked on your door, the client or the agent?

I can understand the client knocking on your door.  As for the agent, I told you countless times if you keep posting about the still out back cranking out gallons of Fireball, you will get a knock on the door by someone looking for alcohol tax!

[IRonMaN]

Both the client and the agent came a knocking.

The Fireball police will leave me alone until they nab Mr Fireball himself.

[Frustrated-in-IL]

Are you kidding?  Mr. Fireball is set for life, or at least until there is a change in administrations.

After the recent Tesla "won't start in cold weather" fiasco, the government realized that if they keep forcing everyone to buy electric vehicles no one wants and won't start in cold weather, they will have to include an emergency Fireball kit in each vehicle as a source to keep the vehicle occupants warm, sort of like an emergency spare tire.  The only person with an inventory that large is Mr. Fireball himself, who got the contract at much inflated prices.  If you were paying attention, the spot price for Fireball tanked on Tuesday when the temperatures here in IL were in the 70s and skyrocketed again on Wednesday when temperatures plummeted to the 20s.  Mr.  Fireball played that quite well and made a fortune with shrewd investing in Fireball futures.  He is leveraging his hoard quite well and is giving our Governor a run at wealthiest person in IL.  I even hear a political career may be ahead for him.  I've already placed a yard sign for him in the front yard.

Life has been quite good for Mr. Fireball ever since he put ProSeries in the rear view mirror and took up hard drinking.

[IRonMaN]

"and took up hard drinking"

When are you thinking he was a soft drinker?

[Frustrated-in-IL]

Good point.  But before he was drinking to overcome ProSeries issues.  Quite understandable.  Now he is drinking for pleasure.

[robinsterankocpa]

Running to Dollar Store for glitter.  I did not realize it was so easy.