Man, I am so mad at all of this. It's so Rude.

Let's go back to the Original Question:

"What should you do if the IRS tool says it cannot determine your eligibility at this time and you meet every criteria?"

You should Wait.

Not being able to determine eligibility has nothing with being eligible or getting a stimulus payment or meeting any criteria. It's a Failure of a portal that is trying to Validate info provided.

No one here has anything to do with that portal or that validation. Watch for the IRS to fix their site.