REGARDING I  My question is can I just file HOH for the husband with the child as dependent. 

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Asked and answered.  YES.

REGARDING:  I have trouble here with California.  For HOH, the husband cannot be married. 

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Your second sentence is not exactly correct. 

Section 18521 CA Rev & Tax Code:

(a)(1) Except as otherwise provided in this section, an individual shall use the same filing status that he or she used on his or her federal income tax return filed for the same taxable year.

The federal qualification for HOH of citizen/resident with a NRA spouse (you may need to find the city for this for your reference)  is NOT an exception in this CA code section.  Thus, the federal law defining HOH is incorporated in CA law by reference.  See Sec 17024.5.

When federal law has been incorporated into CA law, the corresponding federal regs are also applicable for CA .  Section 17024.5(h)

Or, more direct, CA Pub 1540:

Nonresident Alien Spouse/RDP
If your spouse/RDP was a nonresident alien at any time during the year, you are unmarried or not a registered domestic partner for head of household purposes. If you are unmarried and not a registered domestic partner, you have a wider range of relatives who can qualify you for head of household filing status.

(NOTE: The above was from 2017 Pub 1540 from a client file.  You need to get the updated Pub 1540 if it was revised.) 

REGARDING:  We don't mind filing joint without the SS# or ITIN.  We will just put foreign and then paper file.  Somewhere along the way, I have read the nonresident alien should also be in the US for one year before they can file joint.  

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IRC 7701(b)4 allows a US taxpayer with a NRA spouse to elect to file a joint return. See Reg 7701 b 4 c 3 for the election.

Without making the election, the 12-month requirement you mentioned would apply.

So, take your pick:

Either

A.  Make the election and file a Joint return.  (NOTE: one of the requirements is that the NRA had to be present in the US for a 31-day consecutive period in the election year. )  

OR 

B.  Husband Files HOH.  

Whet